These last several weeks have been tumultuous to say the least.

My heart and prayers go out to those who have lost their lives, loved ones, homes, and possessions to the tragic natural disasters that seem to be plaguing our world without remission.

In times such as these, even for those of us who are not directly impacted by such events, the uncertainty that such tragedies bring can have far reaching effects.

Because of the nature of who I am, such pain and tragedy in the world around me seemingly forces me to withdrawal inwards. I stop watching the news, listening to the radio, interacting with people outside of work, and make no effort to connect with the world around me. It is a defense mechanism which I feel has worked well for me in the past.

This time however, as I began my emotional retreat and started taking emotional inventory, if you will, I noticed something unusual.
The quiet sanctuary of my soul had been disrupted.

I came to the realization that the tumult from which I had been retreating had found it's way into the very depths of my being. My last stronghold, my last hiding place had been compromised.

Reeling, I didn't know where to turn. I was running from friends, from family, from the stresses of life that have overwhelmed me; but yet I could find no solace, no retreat, no cavern in which to hide.

This is where I am today, in this very moment. A single individual, racked with emotion, with pain, heartbreak, confusion, loneliness, and uncertainty. This is where I am...but I'm fighting to find a better place.

For any reader who may be familiar with the Enneagram, I am a type 9. I read two thoughts (both written to type 9) which have both spurred me to write this entry and to not settle for the sinking depression in which I find myself.

"As a Nine, you identify powerfully with a sense of inner stability, which you keep in place by disengaging from intense impulses and feelings. This disengagement also prevents you from recognizing your own strength and capacity..." (The Wisdom of the Enneagram, 44)

"A noteworthy positive quality for Nines is their profound patience and deep acceptance of reality. Healthy Nines embody a gentle vibrancy rather than passivity or disengagement." (The Power of the Enneagram audio tapes)

May you receive those things towards which I am striving. May you find peace within yourself. May you embody profound patience and deep acceptance of reality. May you project gentle vibrancy and life giving speech. May you be a pillar of love, acceptance, and support in this world racked by chaos and disorder.

Most Sincerely,

Jordan